I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
