I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
