she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
