so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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