Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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