It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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