I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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