drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
