i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
