obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
