I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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