if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
