If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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