You made me cry and you don't even care
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
