I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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