I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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