Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
