8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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