Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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