he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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