so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
