I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
