So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
