I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
