cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
