you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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