I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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