I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
