Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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