so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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