This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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