VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
birth control should be required to get into college
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
