I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize