I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
