I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize