he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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