so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
