So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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