Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
