Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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