I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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