I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
