6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
