She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
