I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize