Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
