so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
