trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Life is so much better after having sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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