remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
