we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
