You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Randomize
