i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
