Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize