So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
