don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
