shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
