at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize