That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
