handjob tips. give me some.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
