another moral hangover. fuck.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
