I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
