im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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